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Keywords:

• is this going to be a real date

Comment: shaymin

Description: or am i just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom?

Keywords:

• a train made of dicks

Comment: shaymin

Keywords:

• i've slept with yet another mr wrong

Comment: shaymin

Keywords:

• wine smoothie

Comment: shaymin

Description: not as good as i thought it would be

Keywords:

• seeking strong male

Comment: shaymin

Description: to help take apart ikea furniture and move

Keywords:

• i gave her a mint afterward

Comment: shaymin

Description: it felt like giving turndown service at hotel bj

Keywords:

• the correct answer is all the drugs

Comment: shaymin

Keywords:

• slut bingo starts in ten minutes

Comment: shaymin

Keywords:

• just used my eyelash curler

Comment: shaymin

Description: to open a bottle of cider

Keywords:

• you broke a window with your face

Comment: shaymin

Keywords:

• i'm back here naked

Comment: shaymin

Description: if anyone's wondering

Keywords:

• i am way too pretty

Comment: shaymin

Description: to pee behind a dumpster

Keywords:

• let operation slut storm commence

Comment: shaymin

Keywords:

• god i hate musicians

Comment: shaymin

Keywords:

• people call it the bj booth now

Comment: shaymin

Keywords:

• i love sluts and jack

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• i'm shirtless eating a burrito

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• how urgent is this

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• how'd you get my number

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• hero status

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• i had to stop mid-fuck

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• and we'll just drink in silence

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• you guys make me sad

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• way to reinforce that i'll be single

Comment: rosebursts

Description: and depressed on valentines day

Keywords:

• our sunday night drinking has purpose

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• i clearly don't have standards

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• you're a weed delivery man

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• both my heads are still tingling

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• we are so drunk

Comment: rosebursts

Description: half our team had to bowl with a chaperone

Keywords:

• we won every game

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• i want a hotdog

Comment: rosebursts

Description: but i'm too stoned to go make it

Keywords:

• this is ridiculous

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• i'm the most sober

Comment: rosebursts

Description: and getting the least ass

Keywords:

• i got pulled over

Comment: rosebursts

Description: in my 'cops love me' tshirt

Keywords:

• it's already been twelve minutes

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• and that is what's known

Comment: rosebursts

Description: as the walk of shame

Keywords:

• the remote isn't a phone

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• on how many levels is that illegal

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• we need bracelets with igloos on them

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• i'm pretty sure you were hammered

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• can i drink yet

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• surprise me with poptarts

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• is it possible to get a dui on a kayak

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• i remember you fighting a small man

Comment: rosebursts

Description: for the last of the pizza

Keywords:

• was there a midget in my house

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• apparently my blowjobs

Comment: rosebursts

Description: are only C+ quality

Keywords:

• it felt so wrong

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• i fake pass out to avoid hookups

Comment: rosebursts

Keywords:

• if i met a dinosaur right now

Comment: rosebursts

Description: we'd totally be on the same page

Keywords:

• brainwaves and shit

Comment: rosebursts